Spring – Permission to Just Be

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life. About the ebb and flow of our years, the moments of stillness, the moments of chaos, the periods where we feel like our most true selves, the periods where we feel lost, the seemingly randomness of some aspects versus the plans we lay out for ourselves.

My perspective for the last couple of months, for whatever reason, has switched from being caught up in the hustle and bustle of my own every day to instead pausing to look at the life happening around me: the lives of friends just getting settled as they move in with a significant other for the first time, friends that are taking the leap into marriage or parenthood, family and friends buying their first homes, family members that are aging and changing in ways we aren’t prepared for.

Even those further outside of my sphere: new entrepreneurs popping up in my newsfeeds, neighbors walking a dog or planting new flowers in their gardens, people at the mall buying gifts or try on spring outfits, fellow coffee shop dwellers ordering their favorite drinks, book reviews for books I want to read where the person shares the impact that book had on their life, memoirs read by the authors so that you really get their perspective.

One of my favorite words in the English language is sonder and it is the realization that everyone around you is living complicated and vivid lives outside of your own. I’ve also always been one to people watch when I’m in a public setting, to imagine what is happening in other people’s lives and see a small glimpse into their day at that moment. Right now, as my perspective has been one of observer more so than active participant, I’m reminded of all the beautiful things happening in the lives around me. That people are falling in love, starting new jobs, redecorating their homes, meeting up with friends, sharing stories and ideas.

There is so much beauty in just being. Our existence here, in a lot of ways, is pure magic when you think about it. Even in moments of grief I’ve been reminded that grief only exists because we all love so damn hard.

As I move through life right now, my focus is on the joys in life and the things that make it a truly amazing experience. I’m learning more and more to release my hold on things in my life, especially those that I can’t change no matter how hard I worry about them, and instead I’m freeing myself up to ride out whatever life decides to put in front of me. This spring is a chance for me to just be.

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Monthly Goals

Spring cleaning edition

1. Declutter My House

Would this really be a “spring cleaning edition” without talking about organizing my house? Our house isn’t really cluttered, since when we moved in here almost 3 years ago we didn’t have really any furniture coming from our one bedroom apartment. So we’ve tried to be strategic about what we buy. But also, after 3 years, our house could use a deep purge of all the things we haven’t even touched in that timeframe, things that we keep but never use. I’ve also somehow stumbled upon “Sunday re-set” TikToks. Basically all it involves is people showing their Sunday routines of just tidying around their house: dusting, vacuuming, doing laundry, and just getting their space ready for the week. It’s so calming to watch but it’s also inspired me to start doing something similar on my Sundays: a gentle, slow re-set for the week to come.

2. Declutter My Calendar

Sometimes your plans for a month can go awry simply because of things outside of our control. Last month was meant to be a peaceful month for us: we took a week long, very needed, vacation. But then we unexpectedly lost my grandfather and we spent a week with family to help in anyway we could. Basically for half of March we were not home, not in a normal routine, and just kind of scattered. I’m hoping that April will be a calmer month, and I purposefully have nothing planned for us on this month’s calendar. I want to keep a decluttered calendar, to fill our days with whims and small luxuries instead of stresses and deadlines. We have also planned on taking some time off around what would have been our daughter’s due date, not to go anywhere or do anything but rather to just be with each other and make time for things we enjoy, and I know Mike and I both greatly need it.

3. Declutter My Mind

I’m also learning to let a lot of things go. My mind has been so riddled with stressors and anxiety in my adult life and, honestly, therapy is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I’m a firm believer that everyone could benefit from the insight of a professional therapist, so long as they find one they really mesh well with. But while my grief therapy has all but come to an end, I’ve learned so much about myself, about others, about communication, and just about life. Lessons that I know I will take with me forever. I’m learning to let things go, to care only about the things that are worth caring about, to be patient with myself and with those around me, and to truly be present in my life. I’m hoping to keep this going, to continue pursuing a life without the weight of intense anxiety, guilt, stress, or grief, and to feel my emotions without being swept away with them. I’m so happy with my progress, and it seems my therapist is too since we only one more session, but I also know that keeping my mental health in check is an on going process, one I’ll have to continue pursuing.

What goals are you focusing on this month? Any that are similar to mine? Let me know over on Instagram!

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